When I feel like I have exhausted the language quota given to me. As if words were rationed out and some get more than others, while those, like me, get less. When I’m paralyzed by my own expectations for success and failure simultaneously. I get low and no one knows, but it was all okay because I could write about it—except now I can’t. The problem is I’m afraid to get high. It’s not about losing control. It’s about realizing I had no control to begin with.